I'm starting to like rice cakes

I think something is wrong with me.  Well... clearly anyone who has met me knows that something is wrong with me but now I'm really starting to think something is wrong.  I'm starting to like rice cakes.  I bought them because they only have 45 calories.  I thought I could stuff my face with them since they come in cheddar flavor and that is kind of like cheese.  Well cheese tasting at any rate.  Now I actually like them!  Day 3 of the diet is going a little better.  I enjoyed my nice breakfast of blueberry yogurt flavored cancer from Yoplait and I had a nice rice cake as a snack!  Now I'm going to Chipotle with my homies for lunch and I'm going to have a burrito bowl with no cheese!  Because that sounds wonderful!  It is like eating a pizza with no cheese and no crust.  I may as well just eat more of these f'ing rice cakes.  But anyway I have to go now because I'm starving.  When you crave dirt doesn't that mean that you are anemic?  Or that you've just had too many rice cakes?

Day 1

Day 1 has been pretty successful.  I may stab myself in the eye if I don't get something to eat soon.  I had an apple as my afternoon snack.  Am I 4-years-old?  How does anyone live on fruits and vegetables?   You eat it and then it just burns itself off because it doesn't have any content.  I want a cheeseburger.  With bacon!

 I'm so hungry!  I am having a nice bottle of water so that I don't feel quite so much like I'm dying.  Well at least the day part of my day is almost over.  Then I can go home and start round two - Dinner!  I'm not sure what I'm going to have yet for dinner but I'm sure it will be super healthy!

213.5 - Holy HELL I'm FAT!

So just weighed in and I was 213.5.  That means I need to lose at least 38.5 pounds by April 10th.  Hooray for back fat!  

The "Plan"

So here is the "Plan". I'm using the "" because I'm using the word "plan" lightly. I hate eating healthy and exercising so I'm going to have one cheat day per week. This day I can lay around and eat anything I want to. I'm trying to cut out fried food, bread, and pretty much anything that tastes good. I'm going to eat a lot of lettuce and grilled chicken and wheat thins. Who doesn't love a good Wheat Thin? Even the name sounds disgustingly boring like something a bulimic supermodel would eat so she doesn't pass out. Anyway... the other 6 days I have to eat healthy. And on 4 of those 6 days I have to "exercise". I'm not sure about the exercise thing yet. I pretty much hate anything that involves me to sweat or miss my television shows. Maybe I can do sit-ups while I watch my DVR'd Oprah. Or I can walk on the treadmill in front of a TV. That has to count for something! Wish me luck!

16 hours to go...

People always say to eat healthy and exercise. I've always said that that was bullshit. So tomorrow I'm starting another diet which will finally consist of eating healthy and exercising. I figured I might as well give it a shot. I'm turning 30 in August and I can't even walk up a flight of stairs without getting tired. And once I'm up the stairs I want a milkshake.

We are doing the Biggest Loser at work so I have another 16 hours to see how much food I can stuff into my mouth to bulk up before the competitoin. I'm terrified of public humiliation so I decided if I started a blog then I'd actually have to stick to it. Plus the public weigh ins and cash prize may encourage me to not eat my usual diet of fried fat and beer.

The goal is to be between 175 and 180 by the time I leave for Las Vegas on April 10th. Las Vegas is a big deal because it is my sister's birthday and it sucks to be fat in cities that are hot because as anyone who is fat knows - your clothes stick between your fat rolls once they heat up. Nobody wants to see my bitch tits sweating in my "I heart Las Vegas" shirt so this is my last chance.

That gives me 68 days to lose an undetermined amount of weight. I think I'm about 210. 215? Oh jesus I don't even know anymore because I'm so frigging fat I feel bad for the little scale when I get on it. We have one of those horrific calculator fancy shmancy scales that tells you your body fat index and your actual age. It practically screams "Get the hell off of me fatass before I shock you" every time I get on it. So I have been avoiding it. Plus it is so depressing to know the number. And it would require me to walk upstairs to get on it. Anyway I'll post the weight tomorrow after the offical weigh in. Then we can count down from there.

68 Days to go...Or 2 months, 9 days...or 5,875,200 seconds...or 97,920 minutes... or 1632 hours